Emotional Recovery

Saturday, March 26, 2005


"I am starting to believe that something is wrong with ME because I stay. I love him...can you believe that?"

Of course I can believe that! The reality of your feeling probably lies within the context of the person you met initially. He/She was charming, polite, generous, amicable, empa/sympathetic, affectionate...well...you all get the idea. That's the ploy...the con...the game folks!

You and I are so needy, so full of low self-image, we are capable of seeing only that which they portray to us. So we fell (In Love) and head-over-heels we went through the tulips, the gardens of Birds of Paradise; honey bees dancing from plant to plant, recreating Gods procreative wand of life. We were blind to the real them and they knew they had us. WE fed into their trolling trap of endearment and became hooked...hooked on a fantasy existance, not life's reality.

We wreaked of ignorance and misinformation on what, and how life should be. Some of us, as children were physically and emotionally ripped apart. Some of us were abandend and emotionally discharged, always needing something/someone, but never knowing ourselves enough to understand we were placing out spirits in jeapardy.

My abuser, wife, died 14 years ago and there are times I look back with endearing thoughts of the few "good" times we experienced. So, do I feel you're a bit nuts to feel what you say you feel? Not hardly! Those emotions mix because that's part of the abuse. They're good at what they do and how they do it. My grandchildren, those who are old enough to remember "Granny", remember her as loving and caring. I have a difficult time, at times, not telling them who she really was...but I never have. Their memories are theirs.

Don't beat yourself up for how you feel. Just remember that you are not the ignorant person you used to be. If you need to get help/get out, then get the information you need to make the proper decisions.


  • At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks for writing. I am suffering very much. Right now I am crying because I know I must go and leave behind everything at the age of 54. My heart is broken. It is hard to dream of a better future but I know that it should be better than the emotional grinder I am in. I feel confused because my next step is uncertain. I do not know where to go. I do not have a place to go nor a job. I am A F R A I D, terrified, of the next step. Knowing that he does not love me is killing me. The mental, emotional, verbal and physical abuse is more than what I can take emtionally. I used to be so happy. Actually, when he is not acting up, I am happy. I enjoy happy things and love to give joy to others, even to him, even when he has not apologized for the last attack.
    He blames it all on me. He assaulted me and blamed it on me. Now I am being recorded 24 hours a day. He talks to the recording like trying to incriminate me into accepting the guilt for him attacking me. He is much bigger than I am, I ended up in the doctor, with hematomas, a bumb on my head, could hardly walk, a very swollen knee and have being in pain steady in most of my body since January 9, 2005.
    I did not do anything to deserve this. I will find a way out. I am trying to clear my head and think. When he is around I can not think. He is very controlling. I have no life of my own. I do not know how to explain it but anyone that has being abused this way knows of the psychological prison. I am desperate to stop the situation. Thanks for being there. gemsandthings@northstate.net

  • At 5:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was abused as a child and understand the psychological abuse very well. It is very common for an abuser to hurt us then push it all on us so we feel guilty about what has happened. So, not only did we do something wrong to deserve the abuse, they do everything possible to make us believe the punishment was also necessary and our fault. Very sick.

    A normal reaction to being hit would be to leave immediately. Our "learned" reaction is to stay, apologize "for whatever it was we did" and make everything better. Who is sicker; the abuser or the one that believes it was all their fault?

    After many years of abuse and believing "it" was our fault, we have conditioned responses to such, and similar, situations. First becomming aware that our "thinking is broken" is the first step to changing our responses. It sounds like you are beginning to understand that you do not need to stay in an abusive situation; and you don't!

    Get out of it, live and begin to heal. If you continue to look for the real answer in your life, happiness is bound to find you!

  • At 1:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Till now I thought I was the responsible for what my cousin did to me but thanks to my therapist and my courage(I'm very surprised of it). It was him who abused me, I didn't do anything neither I incite him. Thanks that I'm changing I'm healing little by little. I have suffered a lot with the thought that I was the responsible.
    At this point I'm about to confront my abuser, I'm looking forward the right moment for me to confront him. I need to do it but its so difficult and painfull, I don't know how he would react and neither I but I need to do it.
    Thanks for being there. Wish me luck!


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